Have you ever come across people who keep complaining all the time, people who find mistakes in every person, every action and every incident happening around? People who have developed such an attitude usually fail to realize their own mistakes. Complaining at every point and finding mistakes in every action somewhere becomes their habit which they find it difficult to get rid of.
It is good if one realizes and understands what is right and what is wrong. But there is actually a very thin line of difference between realizing the wrong and finding mistakes in everything around. When someone is pointing out at every single action, for example, consider a cab driver who is continuously worried about how the pedestrians are walking or how the other drivers are driving irrespective of whether those pedestrians and drivers are getting in between this cab driver’s own driving or not. No offence against anyone, but it is just an example to correlate this situation to explain this human behaviour more closely.
The difference between complaining and understanding the wrongdoing is that in complaining, one is actually trying to interfere more in others’ business even if they are not required to get involved in it. Look, it is good to tell the truth if someone is doing wrong, but this behaviour which I am explaining here is completely different and is actually about pointing out every moment which is a bad habit which one needs to realize at the earliest. In slang language we call it cribbing. The negative effects of such behaviour on a person’s own personality are:
So how can such a person work upon this aspect of his personality? Below are some of the ways which can help one improve for good.
One needs to first of all put his thinking in the correct direction. Ask yourself the correct questions, like “Did the opposite person’s action make any difference to me at that moment?”, “Was my involvement or were my comments really necessary at that moment?”, “Did my interference or my interruption at all made a difference to others?”, “Am I completely clean when I compare myself with the other person?” and such others questions. These questions are basically a sharp pricking into our own self, to make our own self realize how much time as well as energy we are wasting in unnecessary stuff.
In many of the previous articles, I have used this word to explain different scenarios. The same applies here too. It actually begins by following the first point which I mentioned above. Following those questions is an analysis that one needs to do upon himself. Close your eyes and try to imagine a situation where you are all alone and there is no one and nothing around you except for silence and the nature, for instance a sea shore where you find yourself standing alone. Imagine that silence and that state of your mind. Then compare this state with your state when you were involved in pointing out on different issues around. You will realize the difference then and it will be your decision which will motivate you towards a change.
Focusing more on self does not mean that you completely ignore others and run away from your basic responsibilities and duties. It does not either means becoming self-centred. Focus on development of your own qualities. Rather than spending time in others’ affairs, spend time on understanding the different aspects of your own personality, those on which you need to consciously work upon and improve. Keep reminding this to yourself at every point of time.
When you are criticizing and finding mistakes in others, you are actually developing the negative belief of self-pride. You feel that everyone around is inferior to you. Even if the opposite person is correct, you are not ready to believe him or accept his positive attributes. Thus this ever-complaining behaviour actually deprives you from learning something essential. So go in the opposite direction. Whenever such a negative feeling tries to enter your mind, tell yourself that you need to improve a lot and you are nothing in front of others. This should not discourage you but help you develop humility so that you can learn from others and every individual around. It will also prevent you from falling prey to your habits of ever-complaining and finding faults in others.
If you know someone who has more patience, sensible thinking like the one which would get covered up in the above points, then approach that person and explain your problem. Let him guide you at every step because it is not that easy to get rid of this habit. Even if you want, you will later realize that at many instances you did not realize that you were wrong. Hence a proper guidance will make your task easier.
At the end the only rule of this entire development process is that we become what we think. We act depending on the ideas and actions which we consider important. Today we have developed a bad habit because at some stage we gave it undue importance. So if today we have realized what is correct and we give more importance to that, then change is not far. The law of nature is fair for both negative as well as positive habits and actions.
So the only requirement is our will.