One of my readers posted a question where she mentioned that she is going through a tough time dealing with her husband’s family. She finds it tough to get along with the family members not because of her own attitude but because her in-laws and other relatives do not like her much and thus have been giving her a difficult time. There are many such cases around the world wherein one person has to stand against the anguish or rather difficult behaviour of many other people. The situation in front of these people is such that they can’t even run away and carrying on with such relations also seem a bone-breaking task.
But I feel that it is not completely impossible to bring about a change in others’ wrong behaviour such that they realise your importance and start respecting you. I would like to highlight few important points here which can actually help one stand firm and strong against such forces. This is all about the right thinking and approach and things can change. I understand it is difficult. It is equal to asking someone to stand with a ball of fire in the hand and wait for the fire to settle off. But I can assure that it is not impossible only if we believe that we have the courage to stand firm.
The world might not respect you or be cruel to you but it is you who needs to decide whether you want to let them take over you so easily or break you down completely. Whatever be the cruel behaviour from such people, stay firm on your true core values. Today they might not respect you but tomorrow they will. It is your approach and your truth that will change them for good and make them realise your worth. So first of all make a promise to yourself that you will not give up till the end; that you are strong enough to face any force.
If you feel that you can win over someone’s anger by getting angry on them, then it is wrong. Mahatma Gandhi says that an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. If you yourself deploy the same method to win over someone then what is the difference between them and you. With this approach even if you find yourself winning, then that will be a temporary win. They might start respecting you and that respect won’t be because of your truth but it will be because of your anger and aggressiveness. They will respect you but will not mean it really.
Only one who is strong enough can forgive. If you truly want to earn that respect and want them to realise your true worth, learn to forgive them from heart. Today they may be wrong, but by forgiving them, you are setting an example in front of them that you are not weak. They might very well misunderstand it as your weakness but you must believe that it is not so.
They might treat you badly but you need to stay firm, take an opposite approach, forgive them and give them love against their anger and hatred. This might take time to give the results. But eventually they will realise how strong you are; that even after all their wrong doings and behaviour, you are strong enough to give them your love and stay firm on your values.
You forgive them, you love them, you behave exactly opposite to what they are doing, but you still continue doing what is right and follow the path of truth. Slowly this will make them realise how determined you are; that you believe in what is right; that you will continue to face their cruel behaviour and despite that you will stand on your values backed up with love and good wishes for them.
Thus all I need you to understand is that it is your patience that will help you reap the fruits at the end. Your endurance, patience, strong will, and the belief that you are right and things will change, is all that you need to bring about a change. After all even they are humans; where can they go. Even they have feelings. Even they have a certain amount of understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Some take time to realise that and in some cases it happens immediately. So you just need to give time and build up a character out of your own self; a character who is determined, full of patience and endurance, who will face every force and still stay unshaken and unbroken, who has the courage to follow the path of truth and do what is right and that too without any fear, hatred or bitterness for those who stand against.
Give it a try! It is difficult to build this character but not impossible. History has given us many such legends that have set an example of such a character in front of us. It is just about what you believe.
Hi, I am a house wife. My mother-in law and I understand each other very well, but everyday while going on with day-to-day household tasks, I get into arguments and quarrels with her. I feel uneasy after going through all this. I do not want to spoil my relationship with her. Please suggest on what can be done?