We all have somewhere or sometimes in our childhood have had experiences of some or the other conflicts with our siblings. It is a common picture in families where there are more than one children growing up together. Those instances of eating together, playing together, watching TV together and going to school together are memorable. Also, those events in time where some or the other minor and childish conflicts occurred in the above mentioned instances are common. Fighting to get hold of the TV remote, crying to take the first batting while playing cricket and issues at the dining table; all of them are memories that frame on the canvas of our mind forever.
But there are many such instances where these childish fights between siblings take an aggressive form. Many times the bitterness that develops in such small fights makes a firm place somewhere in some corner of the heart and that affects this sweet relationship forever. Siblings turn rivals and competitors. The healthy competition in different walks of life takes a form of downgrading the status of the other. Their emotions of love and affection for each other are replaced by those of ego, hatred and jealousy.
Many times the problem begins from the time the comparison between siblings start. For example, one is more smart and impressive and intelligent than the other. Small comparisons like he has earned better grades than you, he is more intelligent than you are, he has more friends and you don’t have any. Such comparisons which initially seem insignificant are somewhere building strong homes in the corners of those tender hearts. Children are immature and such comparisons affect their mindset and personality in a major way. It is we who teach them to be better than others. It is we who teach them the negative qualities of jealousy and unhealthy competition. It is we who teach them to aim towards defeating the other rather than winning the race. There is a difference in the ideology when you are running to defeat the other and when you are running to win the race for yourself.
In some cases, it also happens that parents are not comparing their children, but they just ignore those small moments where a child for the first time gives signs of negative emotions. If those initial signs are not recognized at an early stage, then things start getting worse. When a parent notices such a sign for the first time, they must stop it right there, not by beating their children, but by explaining them what is right and what is not. Our little negligence can change the relationship of two or more individuals who are meant to grow up together to lead their lives together.
Also, many times the seeds of bitterness fall in the heart of the first child at the arrival of the second one. The problem is that many parents become ignorant to this issue that their complete focus on second one could bring about a change in the attitude of the second child. It is very much essential to give due attention to such issues. A child is very sensitive and as soon as he finds his parents’ focus turning somewhere else, his mind does not adapt to that change easily.
For parents what is needed is,
Thus for parents it is really a big responsibility and it is they who can make a difference to this relationship between the siblings.
For the readers out here, I would like to say something. If you are one of those who are currently having issues with their siblings, with their loved ones, if you are the one who has not spoken to your brother or sister for a long time and are having issues with them, then I would suggest you to forget all these issues and conflicts. Forget what happened in the past and forget what your sibling did to you. If you forgive your sibling, you won’t be undermining your status. Forgiving the other will lighten your heart and widen your perspective towards life.
You would be taking this step for your own good and personality development and not for any other reason. So make a move now. Approach your brothers and sisters. Say sorry and tell them that you love them a lot. Try to relive those childish experiences and times of your childhood. Let the child in you grow and smile and live with an open heart.
My brother who is 2 years younger to me has decided to enter a new venture and we were having a discussion about that. Soon the discussion turned into a fierce argument due to conflicts in our thinking with regards to the scope of this new idea. I do not want him to get into difficult situations in future. Also our relation is more important than this idea. What should be my take on this?